In today’s Dear Annie column, a woman wonders if it’s disloyal to step back from longtime friends who leave her feeling drained and stuck.
I’ve been friends with the same group of women since our children were in grade school. We’re now in our late 50s and early 60s, and for years this group has been my main social circle. We’ve shared weddings, divorces, illnesses and losses.
I will always value them for that. Lately, though, I find myself dreading our get-togethers. The conversation has narrowed to a steady loop of complaints - about spouses, adult children, politics, health problems, you name it. When I try to change the subject or bring up something positive, it’s brushed aside or met with sarcasm. I leave these lunches feeling drained and oddly guilty for not being as unhappy as everyone else. I don’t want to abandon old friends or act superior. At the same time, I’m at a stage of life where I want joy and curiosity. I would never turn down a friend who needs help, but these women aren’t even looking for solutions. They just want someone to complain to. Is it disloyal to pull back from this group, even after all we’ve been through together? - Ready for a New ChapterPeople change. Seasons change. And sometimes a group that carried us through child-rearing years no longer fits the life we’re living now. You don’t need a dramatic exit or an explanation. Simply go less often. Suggest different activities. Spend more time with people who leave you feeling lighter instead of smaller.Dear Annie: Since my husband died, my daughter treats me like I’m fragileDear Annie: How do I tell my co-worker to stop spreading his illness at workAnnie Lane has offered witty, common-sense solutions to everyday problems in her column, “Dear Annie” since July 2016. She grew up in California and graduated with honors from New York University, where she...
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