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A few weeks back, I had to cancel plans to visit my friend and attend a musical festival in Wisconsin. My employers basically told me that if I went, there wouldn’t be a job for me when I came back. While I only needed a couple days off for the festival, my job was in jeopardy. I was devastated for a very long time, especially since my best friend “Janice” surprised me with the festival tickets and airfare. No one hurt, cried or felt more guilty over this than me.
Before my shoulder replacement, Janice told me she wanted to visit sometime at the end of the summer. I responded very enthusiastically because it’d give me time to heal and we could do things! As I was being operated on, Janice texted my daughter, “Savannah,” that she was coming to help out. Savannah and my son both agreed I would not want this but would check with me.. A visit would disturb my healing. I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. Savannah was already there to help and was sleeping on the floor. I refused to have Janice do the same, and I wouldn’t be able to relax with company. I’d feel as if I’d need to entertain, and I’d get zero rest.
She texted me that she left anyway and was in Ohio. I asked why she still left after my text, and she said, “I’m more persistent than you and Savannah are stubborn.” This wasabout stubbornness! She then made me feel guilty about needing to cancel the festival trip and said she “had no idea how she would explain what went wrong THIS time.” This time?!?! I wasn’t even aware of her plans. Why are my wishes my fault? I wasn’t rude.
Her “persistence” is exhausting, not just with this but with other things that have occurred in the past. Her refusing to take no for an answer has me truly reconsidering this friendship. Am I overreacting? For now, I’ve blocked her, but I’m still nervous about her showing up. She wasYou are certainly not overreacting. A true friend would have, as you noted, honored your wishes and boundaries despite their own “persistence.
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