Advice from Annie Lane.
I am a single mother of two teenage girls. After a series of abusive relationships, I hadn’t dated for two years until recently. A few months ago, I met a man, and we’ve been seeing each other and sharing intimate moments. But the way he acts has me very confused.
He says that marriage is something he’s simply not interested in. I’ve told him that I am interested in building a healthy, long-lasting partnership with someone who will become my husband -- even though to me, after such bad prior relationships, the very possibility of such a thing seems far-fetched. I think on some level I believe that I deserve to be mistreated.
Now, even though I know our relationship can’t go anywhere, I continue to date this man. I feel guilty after every date. What do you think I should do? I’m not sure whether I really like him or I’m just lonely. I don’t have any friends.Finding a loving, caring relationship begins with loving and caring for yourself. End things with this noncommittal man, and turn your focus inward. You’ve yet to process the abuse you suffered in your previous relationships.
Additionally, support groups can also be immensely helpful, depending on your situation. There are support groups for grief, addiction, codependency, toxic family relationships and more. Call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Hotline at 800-662-4357 for referrals to specific groups and other resources.
Finally, put in place some basic self-care practices to promote mental health. Keep a journal. Try to meditate each day. If you’re a person of faith, make a point of praying daily, as this can be therapeutic, too. Open up to a friend about what you’re going through. These aren’t replacements for therapy, but they can help in the immediate term.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems.
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