Advice from Annie Lane.
: I have a 47-year-old son who lives with me. He pays no rent, and he does not help with the bills. He does help with some of the yard work and housecleaning, but he ignores it if I ask him to help with something that I would like. For instance, he failed to install a Dish network while I was away.
He lies in bed for weeks and months at a time. He returns home from work at around 4 p.m., and he stays in bed until it’s time to go to work the next day. He misses work an average of one day per week. Same for weekends; he frequently stays in bed the entire time. He even eats while lying in bed. I asked him to move out, but he won’t. Is eviction my only resource? I just want him out of the room -- and out of the bed. Do you have any suggestions?The first rule is that he can’t eat in bed. That is unsanitary and does nothing for his self-esteem. Since your adult child is not paying rent, you could have him served with a 30-day notice to quit, which means he would be ordered to evacuate the premises.
As a mother, you want to help your son help himself. But he is being impossible. Staying in bed, missing work once a week and ignoring your wishes are all signs that something very serious could be going on with your son. Yes, he does need to know that he can’t continue mooching off you, but instead of running to legal action, why not run to a therapist’s office or speak with him yourself?This is in response to “Tired of Waiting,” whose husband will not stop procrastinating.
If “Tired of Waiting” does in fact suffer from ADHD, consulting a clinician is a crucial first step. Your message is a good reminder for all readers that what appears to be laziness or insecurity can often be the sign of a deeper issue.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs.
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