A reader is uncomfortable with a friend's sloppy greeting kisses.
I have recently become acquainted with an older gentleman who is about the same age as my father would have been, well over 100. He is surprisingly active for his age, much more than I am, since I deal with some mobility challenges.
We have gone out to lunch a few times, and I have even driven him to different events because he enjoys getting out and about. The problem is that whenever I pick him up, he insists on giving me a big hug and a wet, sloppy kiss. I have told him more than once that I am not a hugger, and I try to turn my face away, but the kiss always lands on my cheek or even my ear. He laughs and says he will turn me into a hugger, as if I do not have a choice in the matter. I know he means well, and I do not believe he is trying to be disrespectful, but I feel uncomfortable every single time. I do not want to stop spending time with him because I enjoy our outings, yet I also do not want to keep dreading the greeting. How can I put a stop to this behavior and set clear boundaries without making him feel embarrassed or rejected? --You are thoughtful to recognize that this gentleman likely means well, but being well-meaning does not give him the right to cross your boundaries. Affection should feel welcome, not like something you need to dodge. The next time he leans in, step back and say kindly but clearly, “I enjoy your company, but no kisses, please.” If he jokes about turning you into a hugger, smile and reply, “That will not be happening.” A little humor softens the message, but firmness makes it stick. He may be lively and charming at his age, but respect is the real proof of good manners. If he truly values your friendship, he will honor your wishes. Remember, saying no to a wet kiss is not unkind. It is simply self-respect, and that is something even the best of friends can understand.other advice columns. “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. VisitIf you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our
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