Dear Abby advises a woman whose best friend has not been there for her during multiple family emergencies, and a bride-to-be with a potentially awkward wedding guest.
A childhood friend, “Brenda,” moved away 20 years ago. Even though we were living across the country from each other, we remained close.
About 10 years ago, I lost my 9-month-old nephew to cancer. It was extremely traumatic for our whole family. His death occurred around the time Brenda and her family were visiting her parents here in town, so I notified them about the wake and funeral arrangements. Abby, they never showed. I was heartbroken and didn’t talk to Brenda for a few months. After she apologized many times, I started to talk to her.
A few years later, Brenda’s mother passed away. I was there for her and her family from start to finish, and when she was sick, I would take her mom to doctor appointments. Last year my mother died after a brief illness, and I again let my friend know. Again, she was a no-show. Money was not a problem for plane tickets for other things, but too expensive for me to have the comfort of a supposed “best” friend.
First off, we barely know her. Most of the time when our friend comes to our house, she doesn’t come along. When we visit his house, she’s gone or seems to avoid us. We’re having a small backyard wedding, and the ex-girlfriend and the new girlfriend have never met. Is it necessary to invite her? I want to be respectful, but it seems complicated for everyone involved, and I’d rather not have it detract from the day for my maid of honor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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