Dear Abby advises a woman who conceived a son during an affair and kept it secret along with a woman whos friend is dealing with mental health issues.
Thirty years ago, I had an affair with “Roger,” a married man. We worked together and fell in love. At the time, Roger was married with three children. My husband and I were separated, and I had one son. The 15-year age gap between us didn’t matter to me. I admired him. Roger was soft-spoken, intelligent and a gentleman.
Although I tried, I never found the courage to reach out to Roger. Five years ago, I visited the state where he lived. I even went to his office, but did not reach out. I recently had several dreams about him and couldn’t stop thinking of him. They seemed so real. I looked Roger up online and found out he died a year ago. I am devastated and feel guilty for not giving my son the opportunity to know his father. Roger has other children. At this point, should I let them know or should I just leave everything alone? My biggest fear is causing pain to his wife. She is a good person and doesn’t deserve this. —What is to be gained by making an announcement at this late date? As you stated, it won’t provide your son the opportunity to know his father.
I have stepped back, but a mutual friend tells me Nancy feels abandoned and betrayed by me. I’m afraid if I reach out, I’ll be sorry. But on the other hand, I never have said goodbye. Nancy has a therapist now, and I lift her up in prayer a lot. What do you suggest I do, if anything? —Your prayers have been answered. Nancy is now in the care of a therapist and may improve. If the only reason you would be contacting her is to say goodbye, I think it would be cruel.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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