Dear Abby advises a grieving mom, a scared lesbian teen, and someone trying to visit a friend in the hospital.
My daughter passed away nine years ago. She was almost 13. My mother never bothered to have a relationship with her when she was alive. But now, on every birthday and anniversary of her passing, Mom posts on Facebook how much she misses her and how “close” they were. Her friends all send messages of love addressed to Mom, with no mention of my husband and me. It hurts and upsets us, but I don’t know how — or if — I should talk with her about it.
Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your daughter. It is possible now that she is gone, your mother realizes how many opportunities she missed to have a close relationship with her grandchild, and she posts those messages out of guilt. She may also do it for attention, which is sad. You can’t stop her from posting what she wants on her page, but you can spare yourself the upset you experience when you see it if you stay away from Facebook on these occasions.
I have only come out to a few people, but I know my family will accept me no matter what. I would really like to feel comfortable around my friends as my true self, but I’m not sure how I can do that. —Because you are sure your parents will be supportive and accepting, come out to them. However, unless you consider coming out in your community to befind friends on the internet. Social media can provide friendships until you are old enough to leave the area you now live in.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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