My children from my first marriage are Jewish and very much against cremation.
When I told them my wishes, they attacked me with a barrage of negatives about cremation, such as, “You won’t go to heaven,” “You won’t see your deceased mother or grandson in heaven,” “We won’t be able to say kaddish for you,” etc., so I immediately changed my plans. My husband and I purchased side-by-side crypts, thinking it was an acceptable alternative.
I was wrong. For the last month, they have continued to push me to change to a regular burial. I finally had enough and told them to respect my choices and never discuss this with me again. So now, no contact at all except an occasional text from my grandchildren. Any advice or help would be appreciated.I assume from your letter that you are neither a conservative nor an orthodox Jew.
“The prohibition against cremation comes from the belief that your body belongs to God, not to you personally. It’s not unlike renting an apartment. Part of the lease agreement is that you will not destroy or harm the property before you cease residency. “The restriction regarding cremation came about because of the belief that it is actively destroying God’s property. According to the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards, cremation is prohibited, but if people do that their cremains may be buried in a Jewish cemetery -- but, unlike what your children are threatening, it has nothing to do with what happens after death. There are differences on this subject. Nobody knows what happens after death, not even rabbis.
Rabbi Dorff said your children need to know there’s a disagreement among rabbis as to whether interment in a mausoleum is equivalent to burial in the ground. So, cremation may be “out” for you, but you can be laid to rest next to your husband in a crypt. What is of utmost importance is that your relationship with your children be restored. In the precious time you are on this side of the sod, you and your children need to be able to love and enjoy each other.
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