Dear Abby advises a woman who asks if she’s in the wrong for helping her niece-in-law give her child up for adoption.
: I was married to a man whose family always seemed to be in each other’s business. His 18-year-old niece already had two children when she became pregnant again. She hid it from everyone. When she was eight months gone, she came to me and told me she wanted to adopt the baby out to a family who couldn’t have children, because she couldn’t handle raising another child.
She begged me not to tell anyone except my husband and asked me to watch her two children overnight while she was at the hospital delivering. She also asked to meet the potential adoptive parents at my home and said she planned to have an open adoption without ever telling her parents. I told her she needed to talk with her mother, but she told me she was desperate for help, so I reluctantly agreed.
Two months after giving birth and placing the baby for adoption, she told her family about it. They became very upset with me. They said I should have told them she was pregnant and that it was my fault they “lost” the child. This ultimately led to my husband divorcing me. To this day, the niece is happy with her decision and participates in the open adoption.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
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