Dear Abby advises a woman whose sexual needs are going unfulfilled and another woman dealing with in-laws who don’t respect boundaries.
I’m 55 and have been married to my husband for 22 years. He was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease 12 years ago. He’s mobile but on oxygen and has lost most of his stamina. At this point, everything in our life revolves around his disease. He responds to any invitation we receive with, “We will see” which turns into a “no” or “I’d rather not,” on the day of the event. I am free to attend on my own. Many of my friends have never met my husband, and some joke that I’m not really married.
I can live with this situation except for the lack of intimacy and sex. Sex was never a central part of our relationship, but the nearly complete lack of intimacy over the last 10 years has been frustrating. If I try to discuss “my needs,” he gets defensive and says, “File for divorce then!” Since the last blow-up a couple months ago, I have tried to ignore my needs, but that isn’t working.
We started our relationship in therapy because of this situation and, 22 years in, we’re still in the same place. We hardly talk anymore, and I’m deeply saddened. I don’t know what the next steps should be. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. —Sometimes progress is two steps forward and one step back. In your case, you and your spouse need to take one step back.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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