Dear Abby advises a woman whose husband doesn’t pay child support and a widow who is trying to move on from her husband’s death.
I divorced my husband of 12 years. We were together for 16. We had a 4-year-old at the time we separated. To avoid possible loss of the 401 or to have to pay him alimony, I didn’t ask him for child support. I knew he wasn’t able to afford it at the time. He has since gotten a good job but hasn’t offered to financially support his daughter. My new fiance has no respect for him because of this.
I have let it go to keep the peace so we can co-parent and my now-9-year-old daughter won’t have to see what is going on. This is becoming a problem on holidays because we’ve always celebrated with her together. She has grown to love that we do this for her. However, my fiance doesn’t want to be a part of those special moments. He doesn’t think my daughter would mind, and he doesn’t want to risk losing his cool in front of her.
This is putting a strain on our relationship. Is it wrong of me to want him to fake it so we can all get along? Or is he wrong to make other plans to avoid these situations? —Because your ex-husband’s employment circumstances have improved since the divorce, have a calm, adult conversation with him. Many exes would not have been as understanding as you have been. Because he can now afford it, he should share in the cost of raising his daughter.
My problem is, I have casually dated several men since my husband’s death. I have welcomed the companionship and the affection I had been missing long before my husband passed. My sister, who is somewhat reclusive, has expressed that I shouldn’t be doing this and has gone so far as to say that she doesn’t want to live in a “whore house.” She also makes derogatory comments about any gentleman I have introduced her to.
I think that, at my age, I should be able to do what I wish in my own home. But because of how she reacts, I no longer have any gentlemen or women friends over because all she does is denigrate all of them. I’m tired of walking on eggshells around her. Are there any options other than asking her to move? —No, there aren’t. Your sister should not be ruling your social life. The sooner you help her find another place to live, the healthier it will be for both of you.
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