Dear Abby advises a man who feels that he is always making decisions for other people and a woman whose best friend buys her too many gifts.
I’m a 54-year-old gay man who has spent his life making decisions with everyone else in mind. Every decision, life choice, relationship and career move has been based on how I’m perceived by friends and family.
Currently, I’m living with my ex in my home. I’d like to live alone, but I feel responsible for his security. When I think about telling him I want to live separately, I feel like I’m letting him down. If I move, my family then has opinions on where I should live so I will stay in proximity to them. Also, we share dogs and I’m afraid if we split up the pack, I’m letting the dogs down.
All of this pressure results in me doing nothing. I have been drinking more to shut out the noise. I have considered giving up alcohol, but that will also disappoint many in my family because they like to drink. Please help me! —If ever I’ve heard from someone who is in need of counseling, it is you — so that you can get in touch with who YOU are and what YOU want. You have a right to do what makes you happy. If there’s an LGBTQ center near you, that would be the place to start.
Abby, she’s now deep in debt and selling her house to pay down what she owes. As a result, she’s moving across the country to live with her father, and I am preparing to miss her horribly. My parents and I have repeatedly asked her not to get us anything, but she keeps on shopping. I know this is her love language, but I also know she can’t afford to be doing this, and I can’t afford to reciprocate in kind. I don’t know what else to do.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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