Dear Abby advises a man whose friends trashed his house while watching it while he was away, and a woman dealing with an abusive friend.
Some friends of ours agreed to housesit for my wife and me recently while we were on a weeklong cruise. They live in a small condo. We have a large house in a golf course community, so they welcomed the opportunity. To show our appreciation, we gave them a $200 gift card to use at the golf course .When we returned, we learned they had invited four of their family members to spend several nights at our house, and used our bedroom and my office as sleeping quarters.
My wife and I feel betrayed and hurt by what our friends’ did, and we told them how we felt. Their reaction was that they thought they didn’t “have” to wash their dirty linens. Were we at fault for not doing a better job explaining our expectations when we asked them to housesit? —This couple may be friends, but their manners are atrocious. They should not have invited anyone to spend the night in your home without first receiving permission.
Kayleigh doesn’t have a healthy relationship with her family or in her love life. I believe I’m her only friend. When she does this, I feel like she’s disrespecting me. I have talked to her about it, but she never apologizes. She gets defensive and says it’s “just her opinion, it shouldn’t matter and I shouldn’t stay mad.”
I have told Kayleigh things in confidence, but she’s thrown them in my face, which made me feel insecure and small. I no longer talk to her about these issues because sometimes she brings it up with a jab. I can’t be friends with someone who acts this way. I have stopped talking to her, but now I’m having a hard time not feeling guilty. Advice? —Why would you continue to confide in someone who might use the information to make you feel bad? Backing away from a relationship like that is healthy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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