This article addresses two difficult family situations: dealing with intrusive questions about a transgender child and managing a mother-in-law's inappropriate behavior.
I am the mother of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When people I haven’t seen for a while ask about my daughter, I of course tell them that he is now a man. I’ve been asked what surgeries he has had, and several people have even asked me if he has a penis! I was so surprised the first time this happened that I was speechless, and then I said, “I don’t actually know.
”You could add, “Nor would you, I hope,” but Miss Manners fears that someone who is brazen enough to ask might be all too ready to share.Like so many others, I have a mother-in-law whom I can only tolerate for short periods of time. For context, my significant other and I live together and are basically married, except for the piece of paper. And this woman is his stepmom, not his biological mom. She kisses my boyfriend on the lips when saying hello or goodbye. I am not comfortable with that at all. I’ve told my boyfriend that it bothers me, but he tends to forget. She also asks my 2-year-old grandbaby to kiss her on the lips -- again, something I don’t think is appropriate. He’s at the age where we are trying to teach him that he doesn’t have to kiss and hug people if he doesn’t want to. Especially the kissing. That is for his immediate family, which she is not. She once brought him into the bathroom with her while she used it -- totally unacceptable! I don’t even let him come in with me, and I’m his grandma. How do you suggest handling this?There are two issues here, it seems to Miss Manners, and she is only prepared to back you up on one of them. Lip-kissing those who do not want it is unacceptable. Certainly, you do not need to partake, but if your boyfriend is OK with it, that is his choice. You can only continue to express your discomfort and hope that he will eventually remember. As for your grandson, teaching him to create his own boundaries will enable him to soon make the decision for himself. That is likely all that you can d
TRANSGENDER FAMILY RELATIONS BOUNDARIES MOTHER-IN-LAW COMMUNICATION
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