This news article explores two separate dilemmas: family conflict stemming from grief and personality disorders, and the challenges of setting firm boundaries with inconsiderate friends. The first situation involves a woman whose sister withdrew after a disagreement about cleaning out their late mother's house. The second deals with a couple struggling to manage guests who arrive early and use inappropriate nicknames for their children. The article offers advice on navigating these difficult situations, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and establishing healthy boundaries.
My sister, brother, and I lost our mother to dementia six months ago. We needed to start cleaning out the house. My brother, who lives in assisted living, was unable to help. When I mentioned to my sister that I was going to start cleaning out the kitchen, she told me she didn't want me there alone. I told her when a person offers to help, the polite thing to say is thank you. Well, she hasn't spoken to me in the last five months.
She and her husband have taken to cleaning out the house on their own. I know my sister has personality disorders. Her doctor told my mother from the time sis was a teen. She won't take my calls. I have apologized 100 times. What now? When someone with a personality disorder is also suffering from an emotional stressor such as grief, they are, to put it mildly, not at their best. Did your sister object to you going to the house because she was afraid you would take something without telling her? Did your mother leave a will describing what she wanted you, your sister, and your brother to have in the event of her death? What is supposed to be done with the house and its contents?Another piece of advice asks: Since we bought our dream home, friends stopped inviting us over. We recently hosted an event at home, and one couple showed up an hour and a half early! I thought it was incredibly rude. Thankfully, I wasn’t in the shower or only partially dressed. I was in the middle of food preparation and house cleaning, and too frazzled to say anything. My partner entertained them while I finished preparing for the party, but I had planned on using his help for a few last-minute tasks. These guests have also nicknamed our children despite our repeatedly politely correcting them. How do we better establish firm boundaries? A way to do that would be to tell these people (I hope they aren’t relatives) you prefer they not arrive early because you are not prepared to entertain them. If they ignore your request and show up early again, DO NOT LET THEM IN. As to their addressing your children by nicknames in spite of your asking them to refrain, quit “asking.” Tell them it is offensive, and if it happens again, you will no longer invite them over.Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. His words ring as true today as when he first uttered them: “Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.” This piece is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at:
FAMILY CONFLICT BOUNDARIES GRIEF PERSONALITY DISORDERS COMMUNICATION FRIENDSHIP
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