'We’re an extremely social species, but many of us suffer from what some call undersociality. We see the world in anxiety-drenched ways that cause us to avoid social situations that would be fun, educational and rewarding,' writes an NYT columnist.
Subway riders in Manhattan on June 16, 2022. You'll enjoy talking to strangers a lot more than you think you will, as David Brooks writes.One day Nicholas Epley was commuting by train to his office at the University of Chicago. As a behavioral scientist he’s well aware that social connection makes us happier, healthier and more successful and generally contributes to the sweetness of life.
But are these expectations correct? Epley and his team have conducted years of research on this. They ask people to make predictions going into social encounters. Then, afterward, they ask them how it had gone. In other research, people underestimated how much they would enjoy longer conversations with new acquaintances. People underestimated how much they’re going to enjoy deeper conversations compared to shallower conversations. They underestimated how much they would like the person. They underestimated how much better their conversation would be if they moved to a more intimate communications media — talking on the phone rather than texting.
In one experiment visitors to a skating rink in downtown Chicago were given a coupon for a cup of hot chocolate and were asked to give it away to a stranger. The givers anticipated that the gift would make the others feel good, but they underestimated how “big” this gesture would feel to the other person.
Epley’s research illuminates a mystery I’ve been thinking about for a while. Many of us have been writing about the breakdown of social relationships. Books now appear with titles like “The Lonely Century,” “The Crisis of Connection,” and “Lost Connections.”
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