“The best indicator we have for someone’s interest is their level of attention, but I’m not exactly built to use that particular tool to my advantage. Attention means ‘I like you,’ and it’s a message I can’t easily send,” writes TerenaBell
Photo-Illustration: J.V. Aranda Welcome to It’s Complicated, stories on the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships.
I have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder , a neurological condition caused by a shortage of dopamine and norepinephrine, two neurotransmitters that regulate focus in the brain. While acting callously toward your boyfriend isn’t a symptom, two types of behavior are: impulsivity and inattention. Each is broken up into more specific traits, like “often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly” and “often easily distracted.
I was right, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. The title attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder is a little deceptive. The words imply, well, a deficit of attention. But really, the opposite is true: Attention is on overload. When you don’t have ADHD, dopamine and norepinephrine create a filter of sorts, helping you to separate the stimuli you need from the stimuli you don’t.
The beginning of a relationship — what biological anthropologist Helen Fisher calls “early-stage intense romantic love” — floods the brain with dopamine, the same chemical that I ordinarily have too little of. During that early honeymoon period, I’ve found that my difficulties temporarily subside: I’m less all over the place, more tuned in to my partner’s stories, better able to focus on them and only them .
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