Couple Denied Marriage License After Failing To Prove Love Beyond Reasonable Doubt

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KANSAS CITY, MO—Falling short of the high burden of proof demanded in the courthouse, area couple Alice Fields and Zachary Garcia were reportedly denied a marriage license Tuesday after failing to prove their love beyond a reasonable doubt.

“You have not provided the necessary love letters or the breathless texts to your friends after your first date to substantiate a legal claim that you are two halves of a shared, sacred whole. Even as I look at you now, I can see no body language indicating a level of romantic chemistry sufficient to warrant a marriage license. Your affection, though it may exist, is just not at the threshold of making me hear wedding bells when you gaze into each other’s eyes.

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