Dear Care and Feeding: I'm worried my son will learn all of these bad habits from my husband.
One year into our first kid, I’ve learned my husband is a “just tell me what you want/need me to do” father. I didn’t see it coming, as he’s not like this in other areas of life. It’s exhausting constantly having to do everything unless I specifically ask for a certain task to be completed. I’ve tried different strategies—making lists, dividing tasks to give him ownership, I even suggested counseling .
But my question isn’t about my husband, it’s about our son. How do I make sure he doesn’t grow up to be like this, especially if he grows up with us divorced? How do I make sure he knows that every task in a household is a shared responsibility and that being a good partner means carrying your portion of both the physical and mental load? Before our child, I would’ve said my husband understood that. Now I’m seeing it’s apparently not a transferable idea when a new part of life is reached.
The dynamic that is modeled in the household is obviously a huge part of what children learn about gender dynamics and the division of labor. But I think there are other important factors that you can work on as your child gets older.
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