This letter explores the difficulties of open communication about sex within a relationship. The writer feels frustrated by a lack of agency during intimate encounters and struggles to voice her desires in the moment.
I recently had an experience with my boyfriend that left me feeling frustrated and conflicted. Things were going really well, but then he shifted from focusing on me to penetration, which is our usual pattern. While I didn't voice my discomfort at the time, I felt a surge of anger and disconnection. I continued having sex, but my enjoyment was significantly diminished. Afterward, I expressed my frustration to him, and he apologized, genuinely wanting to understand why I was quiet.
He admitted he would have happily continued focusing on me had he known. Even that brief conversation was incredibly difficult. We communicate openly about most things, but talking about sex feels incredibly challenging. I immediately shut down. Looking back, I realize I could have communicated my preferences during the encounter. I could have asked him to stay focused on me, or expressed my desire to avoid penetration. But I didn't. Asking for what I want, especially in the heat of the moment, feels impossibly hard. I'm seeking advice on how to improve my ability to communicate my needs and desires during intimacy
SEXUAL COMMUNICATION Intimacy RELATIONSHIP ISSUES BODY IMAGE SELF-ESTEEM
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