A letter writer who relocated for a partner’s career has a nagging belief that partner “would not have agreed to uproot.”
We moved from New York City to the Midwest for my partner’s job — a huge culture change for both of us, but it came with some immediate upgrades to our quality of life. I can telework full time, and his new job is quite a bit better-paying, plus the cost of living here is lower.Still, I wake up every morning with a voice in my head reminding me that I left my old life behind for him.
Sometimes these gaps in your life stay unfilled. No point in pretending the sense of loss always goes away completely. And the range of the effects runs from near zero to devastating. If you don’t feel that larger balance: Do you need to, before you can be fully trusting and secure with your partner? And if you need that, is there a meaningful, makable adjustment in your relationship that would square things up? Even if it’s just a sincere and ungrudging “I owe you one”? You want a definition of “my turn” that has nuance, but not self-denial.
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