Dad had a bad breakup with the mom of his 9-year-old son, and now ignores her to keep the peace. Is this harming their child?
As things got bad to the point of living as strangers in the same home, I realized I really wanted to save our family. Her response was less than enthusiastic. I suspected she was having an affair, but she lied to my face about it and gaslit me. Even after I found out the truth, I told her we could work through it. Eventually, I caught her in another lie that was the last straw.
Here is my issue. I don’t want to have anything to do with my ex unless it is solely related to our son. I don’t want to co-parent; instead, I am practicing parallel parenting. I don’t want to otherwise engage and “be nice” when we are at his events. I totally ignore her. He is a very active child, so there are a lot of events, practices, etc., sometimes multiple in a week.
I’m not saying that this is true or that ignoring each other is right. Treating people as if they don’t exist is objectively terrible and a very last resort. My point is that “for his sake” hinges on him, on how he really feels, not on me or you or any other adult who pronounces what’s best for him. You’re also not behaving in a vacuum; you can decide to greet your ex, but she decides how she responds.
If so, then is greeting your ex the best way to accomplish that, given the realities you have on hand? Maybe so. Maybe not, if engaging would invite conflict. Maybe let your fury cool to indifference. Maybe more creative scheduling is the answer. Maybe see which way your son tugs you when you enter a room.
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