.CaraDelevingne is ready to start over. For Vogue’s April issue, Delevingne opens up about turning 30, the moment she realized that she was “not okay,” and why she’s taking the process of healing “second by second.”
Conceived as a playhouse for adults, Cara Delevingne’s 1940s white-brick home in Los Angeles is the stuff of design-world lore. It brims with madcap furnishings, each corner appointed with her signature wit and imagination. There’s a tented poker room draped in red velvet, a David Bowie–themed bathroom, a ball pit with circus-stripe walls, trampolines laid into the lawn.
Still, few could have anticipated Delevingne’s all-too-public unraveling last September, shortly after her 30th birthday, when she was photographed looking disheveled and distressed at the Van Nuys Airport in Los Angeles. The tabloids were quick to draw comparisons to Delevingne’s 63-year-old mother, Pandora, who has talked about her struggles with bipolar disorder and heroin addiction.
As a child, Delevingne was precocious, curious, and exceptionally bright. Though not academically gifted, she excelled in the arts. “She was always uniquely talented,” remembers Delevingne’s aunt, the author and editor Melinda Stevens. “Whatever she picked up—whether it was a guitar or a piano or whatever—she just could play it and nail it. She has a kind of prodigy-ish note in her. But even if she was quiet in moments, the inner whirrings of her mind were always churning away.
Things came to a head when she flew from Europe to Nevada’s Black Rock Desert for Burning Man. “There’s an element of feeling invincible when I’m on drugs,” she says. “I put myself in danger in those moments because I don’t care about my life,” she says. Her memories of that time are somewhat fragmented, refracted through substances that she doesn’t name, but aren’t hard to guess at—whatever would ramp her up and keep introspection at bay. She recollects being covered in inexplicable bruises.
Those who have known Delevingne since before she was famous all point to her irrepressible verve. “Even if you don’t meet her in person, you can sense it through the lens,” says Stella McCartney. “Her charisma, it’s just not of this planet, is it?” says Sienna Miller, a family friend who first encountered Delevingne when she was a teenager and describes her as “the most special person I’ve ever met.
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