WASHINGTON—Speaking slowly in an effort to draw out his remarks during a televised address, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg reportedly distracted the U.S. populace with a speech Thursday while his department stole the nation’s catalytic converters to sell on the black market.
According to insiders, Buttigieg ’s bumbling, erratic speech about experimenting with new traffic-light colors was merely a ploy to keep the attention on him as DOT officials proceeded stealthily through the country in black ski masks, targeting vehicles and removing the valued car part, which contains platinum and other precious metals.
Witnesses told reporters they saw suspicious individuals armed with reciprocating saws and waiting in the country’s shadows until a part of Buttigieg’s speech in which he began speaking very loudly in an attempt to cover up the sound of catalytic converters being sliced out of all 290 million registered cars in the United States.
Pete Buttigieg Catalytic Converter Human Interest United States Secretary Of Transportation The Onion
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Native Americans Experience Higher Mortality Rates Compared to White AmericansNative Americans have a significantly lower life expectancy compared to white Americans, with a median age at death that is 14 years younger. This disparity is a cause for concern and highlights the need for improved healthcare and support for Native American communities.
Read more »
U.S. Stocks Unchanged as Solar Eclipse Distracts InvestorsU.S. stocks remained unchanged in a volatile session as investors were distracted by a solar eclipse. The market awaits crucial inflation data and the start of first-quarter earnings season.
Read more »
Buttigieg says it would be ‘helpful’ for Trump to weigh in on Key Bridge collapseButtigieg said showing regard at the human level was important in the wake of tragedy.
Read more »
Buttigieg says it would be ‘helpful’ for Trump to weigh in on Key Bridge collapseButtigieg said showing regard at the human level was important in the wake of tragedy.
Read more »
Airlines must give automatic refunds for all canceled flights and those delayed over 3 hours: DOTTransportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg announced the new rules Wednesday.
Read more »
Biden administration turns screw on airlines for more consumer protectionsTransportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg unveiled the airline regulations on Wednesday.
Read more »