A woman recounts a dinner party where she accidentally burnt a dish. Although she apologized and offered to order takeout, one guest insisted everyone eat the burnt food, making the host extremely uncomfortable. Miss Manners addresses the situation and offers advice on handling similar social dilemmas.
: My husband and I were hosting a casual dinner party in our home for two couples we like very much. One couple brought their two children, who get along well with my two children. I planned to make a dish that is usually easy for me, but somehow, between helping the guests find things in the kitchen and helping the children with snacks and drinks, I burned my one-pot dish severely.
While only the bottom layer was charred, a potent, undesirable smoky flavor was infused through the dish, and I considered it to be inedible. I apologized to the guests that we would not be able to eat the meal, saying that I would order some takeout instead. I thought that would be the most polite course, since I wouldn’t impose a dish on my guests that I didn’t enjoy myself. Well, Miss Manners, I expected some polite reassurances after my apology, but one guest took it to the extreme. She vehemently insisted that the dish was fine and that everyone would eat it. I know that in her heart she thought she was helping me save face, but I was much more embarrassed by the thought of forcing everyone to eat burnt food than by admitting it had gone wrong.Finally I gave in, because I didn’t want to sour the evening with an argument, but I spent the rest of the evening anxious that I was actually serving this truly atrocious food. Everyone politely mumbled that the smokiness added something, and the guest who had insisted was even kind enough to take a second helping. In the end, the evening proceeded smoothly and all relationships were preserved, but please tell me, Miss Manners: How would you have handled this if you knew -- just knew! -- that no one could possibly be enjoying the food?: Is it possible that your guests were so hungry, they did not care? And that the time it would take to order food would have been excruciating in light of their mounting starvation? To be clear, Miss Manners is not disagreeing with you. Your friend went too far -- and should not have acted as ambassador for the other guests if she was not authorized to do so. But it does make Miss Manners wonder if the guests who were rooting around in the kitchen were doing so in the hopes of finding scraps of food. Since your story ends happily, however, it would be best to let it go. Remember to keep hearty appetizers on hand next time -- as well as a careful watch on the stove.DEAR MISS MANNERS: While taking our morning walk in the park, my partner and I will often meet a business associate of his. After an exchange of greetings, my partner and his associate will begin discussing work. I have no interest in their business. How can I politely continue my walk without having to listen to their discussion?Miss Manners | Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.
Dinner Party Etiquette Burnt Food Social Awkwardness Polite Conversation
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