Bug Crawling On Ceiling Must Be Possessed By Demon

United States News News

Bug Crawling On Ceiling Must Be Possessed By Demon
United States Latest News,United States Headlines
  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 16 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 10%
  • Publisher: 51%

NEW ORLEANS—Freezing in horror at the unnatural movement of the creature cloaked in darkness, local man Nick Harris reported Wednesday that the bug crawling upside-down on his ceiling must be possessed by a demon. “How—how is it doing that if not controlled by some evil, other-worldly force?” said a cowering Harris,…

NEW ORLEANS—Freezing in horror at the unnatural movement of the creature cloaked in darkness, local man Nick Harris reported Wednesday that the bug crawling upside-down on his ceiling must be possessed by a demon. “How—how is it doing that if not controlled by some evil, other-worldly force?” said a cowering Harris, watching in horror as the reportedly possessed insect skittered erratically above his bed, presumably straight from the confines of hell, as it openly flouted the laws of gravity.

“Such unnatural, creepy movements—no earthly being should bend that way, unless it’s answering to an unseen force, dark and aberrant. And that unholy sound it’s making, that’s no language I’ve ever heard. Behind this poor insect’s face lie the jet-black eyes of Beezlebub, come to collect my soul, no doubt.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

TheOnion /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Mother files lawsuit against Harris County following her 19-year-old son's death in Harris County jailMother files lawsuit against Harris County following her 19-year-old son's death in Harris County jailMother files lawsuit against Harris County and the Harris County Sheriff's Office almost one year after her son's death in jail
Read more »

Mother files lawsuit against county, jail in death of 98-pound special needs teenMother files lawsuit against county, jail in death of 98-pound special needs teenA federal lawsuit has been filed against Harris County and the Harris County Sheriff’s Office by the mother of a 98-pound special needs teen beaten to death in the Harris County jail in October 2021.
Read more »

New York seeks new private school regulations following allegations against yeshivasNew York seeks new private school regulations following allegations against yeshivasThe state Education Department is proposing new regulations of private schools after years of allegations that some NYC yeshivas failed to teach students in English or cover basic math and science. Read more:
Read more »

National Treasure Comes to Disney+ with New Lead, New Mysteries in First Edge of History TrailerNational Treasure Comes to Disney+ with New Lead, New Mysteries in First Edge of History TrailerHarvey Keitel returns for the new series with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Lisette Alexis as Jess, a 'brilliant and resourceful DREAMer who embarks on the adventure of a lifetime to uncover the truth about her family’s mysterious past and save a lost Pan-American treasure.' Jones portrays 'a badass billionaire, black-market antiquities expert and treasure hunter who lives by her own code' and looks to be at odds with Jess as she and her friends quickly get in over their heads. 'National Treasure' Edge of History' premieres with two episodes on December 14.
Read more »

COVID update: Illinois reports 1,948 new cases, 0 new deathsCOVID update: Illinois reports 1,948 new cases, 0 new deathsIllinois reported 1,948 new COVID cases and 0 new deaths Monday.
Read more »



Render Time: 2025-04-20 10:39:33