When 'reframing thoughts' simply isn't enough, there are other approaches to soothe feelings of shame and guilt. Here's the story of a veteran who put his fallen comrade out of his misery—and how he learned to deal with it.
emotion—and this can fundamentally shape what we think and believe, how we act, and the stories we live by.to go “offline.” In Wyatt’s case, one of the prevailing emotions he experienced was disgust. He was disgusted at the betrayal of his unit by the informant and the deadly consequences it wrought, especially for his best friend.
Shame and guilt are two of the emotions most often associated with moral injury—and Wyatt had both in spades. Interestingly, disgust is thought to be the primary emotion from which shame and guilt emerge when they can neither be validated nor reconciled. Going right back into the field and “swallowing [everything that happened] in one rancid existential gulp,” as Wyatt said, is the definition of invalidation and not reconciling.
This brings us back to Wyatt and me bopping up and down in my office like two characters in Theatre of the Absurd—yet each seemingly ridiculous rise and fall was helping to arouse his system and bring him out of the shutdown he was experiencing. This explains why he blurted out what he did. And why, a few minutes later, he could think more clearly, even somewhat differently, about what he’d done and the circumstances surrounding the tragic wartime events. And why, eventually, with practice, he could find new and better words to put to those thoughts and feelings than any he had previously.
Eventually, he could craft a coherent narrative that felt right and real about the events and everything he’d experienced since, as painful as it was in parts. This coherent narrative—having it, living it, and sharing it with trusted others as he was able and chose to—was the thing that allowed him to truly begin to live again.Elemental
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