A woman discovers her husband has been cheating on her while he is in the hospital dying from a brain tumour. She grapples with whether to leave him or stay, torn between her feelings for him and her commitment to love him in sickness and in health.
Taking a gulp of red wine, my hands hover over my laptop. For three weeks I've desperately fought the urge to log in to my husband's email account and click on a message I'd spotted, the one with the unsettling subject line 'What a beautiful woman'.
Now, taking a deep breath, I furiously type in the password, close my eyes and hit enter. At 47, I'm about to get confirmation that my charming, charismatic, passionate husband Gianni has been cheating on me. Yet while there is a well-trodden emotional path for betrayed wives – devastation, anger, hurt – my situation is rather more complicated. Because there is no guidance for a woman, like me, whose husband is in hospital dying from a brain tumour.
Do I leave a man who, I will learn, has so little respect for me that he has been unfaithful multiple times? Or do I feel that it would be too cruel to abandon Gianni now, when I have vowed to love him in sickness and in health? Am I trapped by his terminal illness into staying – or free to go with whatever feels right because he will be leaving this world shortly? Kerstin Pilz with her husband, Gianni.
She met the Italian three years after getting a divorce Their relationship evolved rapidly, but Kerstin eventually discovered he had cheated on her It’s an emotional maelstrom, and the contrast to the sheer joy I felt when we met could not be more stark. The moment I’d locked eyes with Gianni four years earlier I’d been instantly intrigued by this well-dressed Italian, a retired forensic psychologist 13 years my senior.
We’d met at the launch of a book I’d written on the works of an Italian novelist – I’m head of Italian studies at a university – and he’d come along because of the connection with his home country. On our first two dates we talked about our lives and families. Gianni told me about his two adult children and his previous relationships.
I opened up about my divorce three years earlier and how I’d been denied the chance of motherhood because of a medical complication. I spared nothing – and I thought he’d done the same. The chemistry was electric and three weeks later I was in Gianni’s bed, experiencing a passion unlike anything I’d known before. After just three months I moved into his apartment, not caring that I was throwing caution to the wind.
As we took walks on the beach and watched the moon rise, it seemed too good to be true. But after the years I’d been through I felt I was owed some uncomplicated joy.
The situation was complicated by the retired forensic psychologist suffering from melanoma The skin cancer, which was discovered from a mark on his head, soon spread to Gianni's brain Being with Gianni made me feel adventurous, and I signed up to lecture on a four-month long study cruise run by a group of universities. He would come with me.
Then, weeks before we were due to set sail, I spotted a strangely shaped mark on Gianni’s head. It turned out to be melanoma – skin cancer – but thankfully we’d caught it early.
‘You saved my life,’ Gianni said as he showered me with kisses, compliments and gifts. By the time we boarded the ship I realised that Gianni flirted with anyone and everyone. But it was a fundamental part of who he was and it didn’t worry me. And when, two months into our voyage, Gianni proposed, I said ‘yes’ without hesitation.
One month later we said our vows in a ceremony on board the ship. That night, after we collapsed into bed, I was a little surprised when Gianni reached for his laptop, even more at the long message he was writing. But when he explained that he wanted to share our news, I understood. After our voyage finished we decided to go to Italy to see Gianni’s family in Sardinia.
He said he also needed to sort out identity documents and would disappear for hours to go to the local government offices. Knowing how complicated Italian bureaucracy was, I didn't question it, or the fact he then apparently needed to travel to Rome to get it done.
And when Gianni told me he needed to stay in Italy for another two weeks to help his mother move house, while I flew back to Australia – where we were living – I just thought he was being a good son. After we were reunited, we began planning our next adventure.
Then he found a small lump behind his ear. Devastatingly, a scan eventually revealed that the original melanoma had spread. It was treatable but not curable. Gianni was forever on his computer and phone, and I tried to give him space to manage his anxiety as he saw best, especially as he needed surgery on both his neck and his lungs.
Our happy newlywed bubble suddenly felt like a lifetime ago. We decided to have a second wedding to legally cement the vows we’d made on the ship. The months that followed were hard, with Gianni struggling with his treatments and suddenly flaring into anger
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