Why do some things feel embarrassing and awkward for seemingly no good reason? Writer MirelZee explains.
“The factors that are most important are us breaking that script, us feeling like others have seen us breaking that script. Most people have a natural inclination to follow the rules and norms of the society they live in.
. So, any sense that they are failing to live up to that inclination leads them to feel embarrassed.” Of course, people have slightly different viewpoints on what social scripts are and what sorts of behavior breaks them. So while it might seem innocuous to take the time to put away your change properly, most people in the U.S. would consider “not holding up a line” to be a social script — meaning,for the social situation of “standing in line” is “move quickly so as not to delay the other people in queue.” “Many people may feel that they are holding up the line by taking that extra five seconds,” to put away their change, Dr. Feinberg explains. Even when no one is behind you, as was the case during my spontaneous sunflower purchase, you might feel that you’re delaying the checkout person; or, the script may simply be so ingrained in you that you feel pressure to stick to it in all situations.The same explanation can be applied to many of the other petty personal embarrassments we feel, even my jogging awkwardness: Suddenly breaking into a run violates the social script regarding walking on a public sidewalk. Similarly, the social script for grocery shopping is to buy goods, hence the embarrassment about walking out empty handed. The social script for being in a quiet room is to not be disruptive, which explains why it’s embarrassing to be hit by a. The script for passing an acquaintance is to exchange hellos, which falls apart when you’re walking down a long hallway toward someone you know, leaving you floundering, unsure of when or if to say hi. Dr. Feinberg says that in situations like opening gifts in front of a crowd, there are two scripts happening at once. One calls for you to open the gifts and demonstrate your gratitude. But another societal norm is to avoid being the center of attention for too long, which can explain some people’s self-consciousness about the tradition. “I don't think everyone will feel embarrassed. It likely depends on how much an individual focus is on one script or the other,” he notes.certain, very human experiences are embarrassing can make you question the entire idea of social scripts in the first place. Who decided these things, and who’s forcing the entire human race to stick to them? I’m all for social courtesy, but the fact that I apparently feel so dedicated to preserving a mostly unspoken rule that I break out into a sweat just because the grocery store didn’t have the type of mustard I wanted makes me feel brainwashed and restricted, not polite.Dr. Feinberg’s view is slightly more rosy. “The key point that our research makes is that embarrassment — although unpleasant to experience — actually serves a very important function,” he says. “It signals to others that you care about the social order, and as a result, it can lead others to trust you more.” And when I think about it, maybe Ibe a little suspicious of someone who takes their sweet time putting away their change in a checkout line, without even stepping to the side to let the line continue to move. If you don’t feel embarrassed about these situations, though, it probably doesn’t mean you’re bad or rude — just that you have a different understanding of social scripts, the situation you’re in, or the rules and norms of the society you’re currently in. The social scripts I’ve described are specific to the U.S., where I live; different places haveAs much as I sometimes wish there was something to be done about this particular kind of embarrassment, understanding that the only thing to do, really, is embrace it as one of those quirks that come with being a human who cares about being a part of a community is its own kind of relief. There’s some comfort in knowing, after all, that we’re all slightly ridiculous. In fact, it’s beautiful, in a way. We’re all just trying to make it through this world as best we can, without stepping on anyone’s toes — especially in that moment we shift from walking into a steady jog.
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