The idea of cutting and eating a pie on plates is so absurd when you consider the pie was already baked in a plate
. In fact, my husband Matt and I made it up, but we’ve been proselytizing it to every person we know since the day we accidentally invented it. We’ve gotten laughter from people who think it’s a joke, raised eyebrows from people who think we cannot possibly be serious. But it is real, and it is about to become the best holly jolly moment of your entire freaking December.
Bed Pie was not meant to be a sexy-time activity, yet there’s something about it that’s remarkably intimate. There was magic between those two crusts, amidst the blankets and pillows and crumpled up sheets. In a world where we force ourselves to have some modicum of self-control, bed pie is a liberating moment of gluttony that can only occur when you drop all the safeguards you’ve put in place to give the impression you are a civilized human being.
Eventually we had children and the holidays went from hectic to insane, which made bed pie even more essential to our lives. For a child, December is 31 straight days of G-rated candy-fueled hedonism, like Cancun by way of North Pole. When we scoop them up and lay them down for Bed Pie, the mood changes. Time slows down. They stay little boys for just a bit longer.
The reminders to love thy neighbor at the holidays are relentless, guilting you into surprise visits and travel nightmares and more than a few nights of staying out way past your bedtime . Bed Pie is pause. It’s suspension in a state of bliss and wonder, muting the endless noise outside your bedroom, keeping it quiet for as long as the pie still exists.
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