Joe Nguyen is a digital strategist for The Denver Post. Previously he was the online prep sports editor. Prior to that, he covered Adams County and Aurora in the YourHub section. He has previously covered Colorado’s Asian-American communities as editor for Asian Avenue magazine and AsiaXpress.com.
I’m a woman in a new relationship with a fabulous man who doesn’t seem to understand an issue I’ve brought to his attention. I noted recently that when he checks out other women in front of me, I feel disrespected. He listened and said he understood completely.
I feel like we punish people, especially women, who bring this up in a relationship and everyone is quick to deem the accuser as controlling, insecure and jealous. The root of my frustration is that I feel like I could be wrong and I’m paying more attention to his interactions with younger women.Even if he feels his flirtations are innocuous, when witnessing them you feel less valued. That’s a vulnerable space to be in.
Some of this is about the other women, but an equal part is the energy and attention he’s pouring into you. If you’re not feeling love in the way you want to feel love, it’s not controlling for you to advocate for that. As this is a new relationship, you’re still learning about each other. Being able to communicate needs and boundaries, and to honor them in our partners, is a core building block of successful love relationships.
As a fan of your column, I often wonder why writers asking for advice don’t just have a conversation regarding the issue in question. Talk to your partner, kid, boss, etc. Well, now I get it. Not exactly as easy as it sounds. I am trying to figure out how to approach what is likely a neurotic personality issue. The last thing I want to do is crush her spirit.
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