Plus: Apparently, the neighborhood pool flag is a beloved tradition.
Asking Eric: My lazy son-in-law is ‘a lot like me’? That makes me furious.Asking Eric: Is this enough reason to violate my son’s no-contact request?I lived next door to a woman who would feed deer, and one day my wife counted 32 deer in our backyard ravaging our flowers and bushes.
I called the state Department of Environmental Conservation, and their investigation uncovered that she was also harboring raccoons in her garage and slept with a bear cub in her bedroom! Thankfully the DEC gave her a citation, the animals were removed and her deer feeding was curbed. Your correspondent needs to do more than just give website suggestions; she needs to contact her state environmental authorities to get them to curb her neighbor’s behavior.This is extreme and extremely dangerous. In many states, it’s also illegal to feed wild animals, so even if the neighbor is not harboring them in her home, she still puts herself at risk of a citation or fine, in addition to the clear danger presented by some of the animals themselves.I have an inground vinyl-liner pool so one concern is the dog could damage the liner with its nails or teeth. And my friend does not have the funds to replace the liner if it were damaged, nor would she probably offer.Also, when the dog is in the pool it slightly freaks out and tries to jump on me and bites. And when it’s out of the pool it runs through my gardens and digs. It would seem like it’s a no-brainer: No dog in the pool. But my friend thinks it’s hysterical, and she’s such a good friend I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She and her husband are those people who think their dog is the best thing in the world and why wouldn’t anyone love everything their dog does? I know I should just say no dog, but a precedent has been set, and she has already asked when the pool is opening.: Your pool, your rules. The start of a new pool season is a good opportunity to set a new precedent. You can cite the chewed pool float; you can cite the jumping and biting; you can simply say that it’s not something you’re comfortable with anymore. But as would be the case with any human in your pool, you have the right and the responsibility to determine what’s safe and comfortable. Have this conversation in advance. And don’t put it up for debate. “I love your dog, but I don’t want to have dogs in the pool or in my garden. I’m concerned about the vinyl liner tearing and I’d like to keep my gardens intact. I love hanging out with you, and I hope you understand.” Now, she may receive this as you banning the dog, but that’s not the case. This is you communicating what you need to feel safe and to ensure everyone else’s safety and enjoyment. If she pushes back, refocus her on that point.When growing up in Monrovia, California, our next-door neighbor had a pool, which we could see over our fence. We longed to be in it. Our neighbor had a system whereby she would put out a white flag on a pole, indicating that all in the neighborhood were welcome to come use the pool. Children had to have a parent with them. All of our neighbors were friends, so there was lots of socializing going on those afternoons. It was unspoken that you brought your own towel, water or drinks and used the bathroom prior to coming to the pool.“White Flag Day,” and it solved the problem of people asking if they could come to use the pool.Miss Manners: What’s the rule about giving an ultimatum to a friend?I love this suggestion! It was a very popular one! It seems that the readership of this column is chock-full of people who have Pool Flag Neighbors. Having never lived in an area with pools, this is very interesting. I’ll be sure to look out for those flags, too, this Fourth of July. Other readers pointed out the liability pool owners assume and cautioned that the owners should think twice before letting friends use it when the owners weren’t home. The risk involved could serve as a good way of politely declining requests. Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.Harriette Cole: I was rattled to see my enemy in the group chat for our girls tripHarriette Cole: It's overwhelming to be the successful sibling'Everyone is welcome' classroom sign violates new Idaho law, state's attorney general saysMadre Fire map: Evacuations for California's largest wildfire of 2025
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