Plus: How do I tell this woman hell no, in a nice way?
: I am a 76-year-old male whose friend of more than 70 years has a wife with severe arthritic conditions that have caused her to be basically wheelchair-bound for many years.Asking Eric: I’m upset that my brother kept our cancer risk a secret
I’m sure you’ve gone over possible explanations in your head – perhaps she was joking, perhaps she misread your cheek kisses as advances, perhaps this, perhaps that. The reason is important but it’s not as important as how the words landed with you.Talking to your friend’s wife about what happened and how you felt will free you from having to walk around with this bound up inside you.
We have taken several weekend getaways together and she has ruined each one with her complaining about things that happened years ago. It’s nonstop. Other than saying, “Hey, I’m kind of looking forward to a solo trip this time” , what can I say that basically means hell no, never again, but in a nice way that doesn’t make her feel that I’m a terrible person because I don’t want her to join me?feel like a terrible person? Because niceness has run amok here – yours and hers – and it’s not getting either of you anywhere.
When imagining telling her what you really want, it’s easy to also imagine she’s hearing all of the real reasons you want it – i.e., you dislike her company. But that’s not what you’re saying. At least out loud.
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