Joe Nguyen is a digital strategist for The Denver Post. Previously he was the online prep sports editor. Prior to that, he covered Adams County and Aurora in the YourHub section. He has previously covered Colorado’s Asian-American communities as editor for Asian Avenue magazine and AsiaXpress.com.
I have a good friend of more than 30 years who has two teenage sons. One son is friendly and welcoming whenever we go to their home or when he comes to ours. Her other teenage son is oftentimes rude and incommunicative.
For example, we recently went to their home, and her son wore his headphones the entire time. He came in, ate, and left without saying one single word to me or my family. My daughter is the same age. There are times that he’s friendly and makes an effort but oftentimes he completely ignores us. My friend tolerates this. I would not tolerate this from my own children. I haven’t said anything to date because I don’t want to make her defensive. At the same time, it has gotten very irritating to me and my family that he treats us this way and is allowed to. We have always been kind and supportive to him and his family. Do you have any advice on how we could handle the situation? Is there anything I could say to my friend that would not sound judgmental of her as a parent?It would be helpful to be clear about what specifically you’re looking for from your friend’s son. Do you want to have a closer relationship with him and feel that’s impeded by his antisocial behavior? Or do you want him to behave better out of deference to you? Teenagers do not, as a rule, have to go through a sullen phase. That could, however, be what’s going on here, or there could be something else happening in his life. If what you want is the former — to have a better relationship with him — then you can start by talking to his mother about what’s going on with him and how you might better reach him. This is different from a conversation that critiques her parenting in that you’re showing interest in her son and asking how you can help as another adult in her child’s life. However, if you just want him to behave better, you may have to let your friend parent in the way she sees fit.My sister died and her wish was for me to write a short eulogy. I will be the only one speaking at the memorial mass. Her husband doesn’t like me. The two sons are not close. Their wives are quite different and don’t get along with each other. My sister’s relationship was quite different with each of them. One was like the daughter she always wanted. Her husband was favored by my sister. The father favored the other son. I don’t know how to handle this. Do you think I should ask the more distant daughter-in-law and husband to write what they want me to say in the eulogy? Ask both sets?Is it OK to make the eulogy from my perspective as a sister only? That seems like then the eulogy is all about me. So, I think I have to avoid doing that.Traditionally, a eulogy is a tribute to the deceased, written and delivered from the perspective of the speaker. It’s an opportunity to give those gathered — whether they’re close family or casual acquaintances — a unique view of the deceased’s life and best traits. To that end, some things might get left out, but other stories or details that some might not know will be highlighted. It’s not always meant to be all-encompassing. It’s meant to be specific and heartfelt.Your sister asked you specifically to eulogize her. I would presume she did so because she wanted to be remembered from your viewpoint. It’s OK — and probably what she wanted — to share your thoughts, feelings and memories about your sister rather than trying to capture a wide swath of impressions from family members who may not have liked her as much. It may feel like you’re only talking about your relationship, but we get to know each other through the stories we tell about ourselves and them. No one else had the relationship you have. Think of your reflections as a gift to other people who have come to mourn and remember her. It’s impossible to capture the breadth of a life or the scope of love. So, relieve yourself of that burden. Talk about what she meant to you, and what you feel she meant to her world. Other people will, in turn, be reminded of what she meant to them. That’s the purpose of a eulogy.Compact SUV contender: 2026 Toyota Corolla Cross Hybrid AWD punches above its priceArchitect lists custom-built Mediterranean-style villa in historic Denver neighborhood on 7th Ave.Denver to open cold weather shelters Sunday as temperatures set to drop My son was hit by a snowboarder at Winter Park. Why has no one come forward with information? Regis Jesuit boys basketball coach Ken Shaw is out following 19-year tenure
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