In this advice column, R. Eric Thomas responds to a reader whose mother is suffering due to her son cutting her out of his life. Thomas offers comfort and suggests focusing on supporting the mother through her grief and, if possible, seeking professional help.
In today's Asking Eric column, R. Eric Thomas responds to someone who wants to ease their mother's emotional pain after their brother shut her out of his life.My parents built their lives around their children and grandchildren, personally and financially.
Mom was their free full-time daycare until graduation. My parents also paid for my brother’s house in cash. Family is Mom’s reason for living. But recently my brother brutally cut her out of his life. We don’t know if he’s mad that she moved in with us four years ago, even though he was not offering. We don’t know if he is somehow angry that she recently fell and broke her neck at his house. Or maybe he hates her for slowly losing her memory. He wrote her a cruel letter saying she was a “stupid person,” that I’m a loser and my perfect dad was pathetic and weak. My mom may need neurosurgery on her neck. She desperately wants my brother there, yet he has blocked all of us. We are not allowed to step foot on his lawn. I personally would love to cut him off, but my mom cries every day. She trembles, she can’t eat, she calls his phone all of the time. No answer. He’s vicious. I wrote him a long, fair and vulnerable letter. I’ve sent post cards, left texts and messages begging him to just call his mom. I’ve asked family to get involved. Nothing. He married my best friend from high school, and she also has turned heartless. I know it’s easy advice to just cut him off, but my mother cannot. She is literally dying of a broken heart. I would do anything to ease her emotional pain in her last years. I can’t stand to see her suffer.What an awful situation. I’m so sorry for your parents and I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle. There are helpful books on family estrangement that can provide insight and strategies . But the most pressing issue is providing comfort to your mother. The hard truth is that you may not be able to make this better for her. You’ve tried every avenue, it sounds like. So, the task now may be sitting with your mother in her grief and supporting her. That’s hard work. But it’s better to grieve with a loved one than to do it alone. The way that you love your mother through this is by doing what you’ve been doing – showing up, showing her love, listening to her. If she has the capacity, you might also consider taking her to a family therapist, who can help her process this.Asking Eric: My longtime friend ghosted me after an emotional textR. Eric Thomas R. Eric Thomas is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His memoir, Here for It, or How to Save Your Soul in America, which Lin-Manuel Miranda hailed as “pop culture-obsessed,...
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