Joe Nguyen is a digital strategist for The Denver Post. Previously he was the online prep sports editor. Prior to that, he covered Adams County and Aurora in the YourHub section. He has previously covered Colorado’s Asian-American communities as editor for Asian Avenue magazine and AsiaXpress.com.
My husband “Bob” and I celebrated our 30th anniversary this past spring. He has many wonderful qualities, but he’s also a “lone wolf” who very rarely asks for my input or help.Many years before, he’d had a two-year affair with another coworker.
It was a devastating experience for me. After this latest instance, we both started going to individual therapists. We seemed to be moving toward a healthier situation when I caught him “day drinking.” He admitted he had a drinking problem and started going to a harm-reduction program.Then I discovered that he’d opened a new bank account and bought crypto without discussing it with me. I’m thinking I need to separate from him for a time. I don’t know how to break through to him, to make him understand that his inability to discuss things with me, to share his thoughts and desires with me, are destroying my trust in him.I don’t say this lightly, but sometimes separation is an act of salvaging. First, think about finances. He, by this account, is acting irresponsibly and not telling you about indiscretions and major decisions. It would be wise, then, to talk to your financial adviser or an attorney about separating your finances, at least temporarily. Talk to him about what his goals are in individual therapy and what your shared goals are in couples therapy. It’s possible that he’s as unclear on his motivations as you are. Unraveling that is a good place to start for him. That may not be work you can do together.Asking Eric: Neighbor is putting himself in grave danger but won’t changeYou need to be able to trust the person that you’re with. When broken, trust can be restored, but it takes intention, amends and change — internal and external. While he’s doing his work, you may find that being in a different space from him helps you to do the healing you need to do, helps you feel safer and, potentially, makes way for reconciliation.What on earth can I do with a noisy 90-year-old neighbor? I live in an apartment, and she is banging cupboard doors, pots and pans at 11 at night.A request — or even a “did you know that I can hear this?” — is not a confrontation. So, start with a conversation during the day. “Sometimes I have trouble sleeping because the noise from your apartment bleeds through mine. Would you mind being a little quieter when cooking after 10?” She may not be aware of how much noise she’s making. One person’s banging pots and pans is another person’s “just making a cup of soup.” So, knock and ask.I wanted to respond to the letter from the father who found out his children did not share his DNA . I am a daughter who discovered after my parents were dead that my father was not my DNA donor. The father, and your answer, were spot on. I went through a period of feeling unmoored after I found out. I always knew my mother was adopt ed — no blood relatives save her on the maternal side — now it turned out my father’s blood relatives weren’t my blood relatives. But after a while — and granted, I am an old woman, been through a lot anyway — my feelings calmed down. I was blessed to have the most wonderful father — no DNA donor could have been better. . So, please tell the writer from me to take deep breaths and ride out this storm of emotions, it sounds like there are good relations on the other side.I heard from many people who made similar discoveries about their families of origin and every one reflected the same sentiment — a gratitude for the parent who was there. I hope the letter writer takes this to heart. I also received letters from parents who discovered they weren’t the biological parents of the children they raised and loved. Some of those letters wisely suggested that “Sad Dad” also process his feelings with a counselor trained in family therapy. There are a lot of complicated emotions, and they deserve to be heard, and in some cases, healed, so that the family bonds don’t suffer.ICE officers mistook Durango father for someone else, official says, but arrested him and children anywayGov. Jared Polis' budget proposal takes aim at Medicaid spending, eyes Pinnacol spin-off -- again Renck: With his salary, CU’s Deion Sanders doesn’t have luxury of rebuilding. This mess is his to fix Renck: With his salary, CU's Deion Sanders doesn't have luxury of rebuilding. This mess is his to fix Why did CSU Rams enter most expensive, wildest football coach hiring cycle ever? ‘Clearly, there’s somebody that they’re wanting to get’ Why did CSU Rams enter most expensive, wildest football coach hiring cycle ever? 'Clearly, there's somebody that they're wanting to get'Rockies Journal: Kris Bryant's career stuck in limbo as front-office decision nears
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