AskPolly: 'I have a wonderful, willing partner in parenthood. So why does he drive me so crazy?'
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I grew up in a traditional family where my mom stayed home and looked after three kids, did all the housework, and managed our entire family life while my dad worked full time , so I know I have it pretty great. I also love Jim. He’s my person. So step one for you, moving forward, is to say this out loud, to yourself and to your husband: We will both OFTEN feel like we’re each doing more of the work, or doing the more important work, or doing the hardest work. We will feel this way not because we’re assholes, or because we don’t love each other, but because we are working much, much harder than we ever have before, and we have to share this hard job with someone we also see constantly and fuck occasionally .
Noooo, noo, no. An ocean of NO. Write this on your wall, across your face: ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT DOES NOT MAKE YOU UNGRATEFUL. It makes you sane. It makes you happy. It makes you more generous. It makes both of you much more relaxed. ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT INCREASES YOUR GRATITUDE. I also had to realize that I needed to back off on house repairs. I was much handier than my husband when we met. But he took a lot of satisfaction in learning how to fix things, and when I swooped in and told him he was doing it wrong I took that satisfaction away from him.
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