Is it crazy to stick around and support your partner through law school when you’re not married?
I'm in my late 20s, have a great job, and live in a city I love. I'm also in a long-term relationship of almost seven years but unmarried. My partner also has a great job but has decided to change careers and go to law school. He's studying for the entrance exam and has his eye on two universities, one in the city we currently live in and another a few hours away.I’m fine with his decision to change career paths and do something he believes will be more fulfilling.
Aside from the assumed debt of law school, there’s also the additional burden of our lease ending before him knowing where he wants to go to school. Then there’s the reality that he most likely will not work or will work part-time during his first few semesters . I’m also anxious about the added stress that law school could put on both of us and our relationship.
However, I imagine that he, too, is experiencing bouts of anxiety about this major life transition. Have you asked him why he isn’t ready to let anyone else in on his law school goals yet? No matter his reasoning, it doesn’t negate your need for more of a support system to help think through all the potential changes ahead.
I know you say the friendship void you’re feeling is a problem for another day but it may be more of a factor here than you think. When your social life outside of your relationship is lacking, the problems within your relationship can seem bigger. In lieu of built-in community, seek out a therapist to work through this with, because if you don’t get it all out, it will continue eating you up inside.
You asked if it’s “crazy” to go along with all of this, and, frankly, it is if you don’t confront all aspects of what this means for you head on. Relationships are about compromise. But it isn’t selfish to think about and prioritize your own desires when negotiating what that compromise looks like — especially before you merge your plans with someone else’s. I hope you two talk it all out and get on the same page ASAP. This constant state of silence and stress is no way to live.
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