Ask Anna: Partner leaving triad

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Ask Anna: Partner leaving triad
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Dear Anna: The breakup has not only affected our emotional equilibrium but has also raised questions about how to manage our mutual friends, shared spaces and social commitments.

My primary partner, who I’ll call Alex, and I have been in a loving, committed relationship for five years, and for three of those years, we’ve been in a closed triad with Sam. Our relationship with Sam grew organically and became a significant part of our lives, deeply intertwining with our daily routines and social circles.

Moreover, there’s an underlying fear of how this change affects the perception of our remaining relationship. We worry that those outside our community might see this as evidence that poly relationships “don’t work,” further stigmatizing our choices. We’re anxious about being viewed as less stable or committed.

Addressing your shared social dynamics requires a touch of delicacy. Depending on what “space” meant for Sam — did it mean “no contact”? And if so, for how long — a practical first step might be to have a short discussion with Sam about how to approach group settings. Establishing certain boundaries, such as ensuring each of you feels comfortable at social gatherings or agreeing on how to communicate availability for events, can help manage potential awkwardness.

Relationships, regardless of their structure, have their natural courses, and an ending does not equal a failure. As much as you can, lean on trusted friends who can provide you with support without judgment. Lastly, embrace the lessons this relationship has taught you. Each connection in our lives brings with it growth and understanding. Cherish the moments you had with Sam and allow that gratitude to help guide both of you forward.

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