Dear Amy: I lost my husband almost a year ago. After the funeral a lot of promises were made by my friends and fellow church congregants that would always be there for me in whatever way I needed.
Dear Amy: My husband’s mother and sister recently moved to our city, and it’s been bumpy.My mother-in-law has some chronic health issues.Jackie works from home and has a fairly flexible schedule.My husband and Jackie have struggled to find a reasonable balance of care for their mother.
He has a lot of responsibilities at home with our children, in addition to a much more demanding work schedule than Jackie’s.I think it’s hard for her to understand the demands of small children. I’m not sure it is for you to decide what is “easier” for Jackie because she is living in the household. You should assume that she provides a lot of daily care that you don’t know about. You should also imagine what the situation would be like if Jackie became overwhelmed and decided to decamp.One solution would be for your husband to hire a caregiver to help his mother one morning a week and on Saturdays.
I agree that a family member should accompany her to doctors’ appointments, if possible; the siblings should take a look at the calendar a month in advance and do their best to share this responsibility.After the funeral a lot of promises were made by my friends and fellow church congregants that would always be there for me in whatever way I needed.Those promises were sincere, I’m sure, but the majority just went on with their lives. I understand this.
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