Dear Amy: All I really want to do is surf and spend time in the ocean, but my wife is convinced this will somehow lead to me cheating on her.
Despite the fact that she can see my location at all times, and has full access to all my devices and every inch of my life, I think she has some trauma that therapy didn’t really heal.I don’t want to be ignorant of her needs but I’m slipping into deeper depression. I told myself I wouldn’t live like this in my 40s.I’m essentially the sole breadwinner, and I live today as a dedicated husband and partner. I’ve submitted to her every need for accountability.
Your wife has been living in a state of hypervigilance. This is damaging to her physical and mental health. She should definitely resume therapy, and her goal should not be to change or retrain you, but to retrain her own brain away from rumination and anger, and toward balance, trust and health.It seems logical that if you both want to stay in this marriage but don’t want to stay trapped and angry, then you should take this trust out for a spin and see what it can do.
If she spends a lot of time policing you, she may also have to find other ways to fill that time with a job, a hobby, friends and interests of her own.– Practiced ProcrastinatorDear Procrastinator: You’ve taken your question to the master procrastinator, Grasshopper.
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