Dear Amy: I often go to dinner with two other couples and their children. (I am single). We take turns paying the bill.
I’m a divorced mom of two and last year, my boyfriend moved in with me, followed by his daughter . I love them both very much.I helped him through his alcoholism, which stemmed from a tragic event. His first wife, “Rebecca,” died shortly after they got married. More tragic was that when she died, she was expecting their first child together.
He once made a comment that if she hadn’t died, we wouldn’t be together, and his daughter wouldn’t exist. He once even credited his late-wife with his daughter speaking up and deciding to live with us, which felt like a gut-punch.He wants us to get married, but I am reluctant. I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to be buried next to ME when they pass.
This girl spent her life being parented by two troubled people who subjected her to repeated traumas. Thank goodness she has a stable and loving mother in her life, now.I agree with your instincts. Your man needs and deserves therapy in order to process the trauma of his first wife’s death, and all that has flowed from it.
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