A mom calls her in-laws every day, sometimes more than once, to “recite to minutiae of her day.”
My stepson and his wife and 3-year-old daughter live in Hawaii. My wife and I are on the West Coast. We visit them several times a year, and they visit over the Christmas holidays when they can. The times we spend together are always warm and drama-free. We’re on good terms, and I adore them.My one issue is our daughter-in-law. While sweet as she can be, she video-calls every day, often more than once, to recite the minutiae of her day. Honestly, it can be quite tedious.
We have other children and grandchildren whom we speak with about once a week. This amount of contact is delightful and reasonable. I have gently mentioned the annoyance to my wife, who mostly agrees, but cannot bring herself to set a few boundaries for fear of hurting our daughter-in-law’s feelings. After bringing it up several times, I realized that my prodding hurt my wife’s feelings.
Calling seems to be a lifeline for this mom, and your wife could ask her if she is involved in any playgroups or other activities with other moms and their children. This mother likely gave birth during the height of the pandemic, and I wonder if this experience has made her self-isolate.As the primary contact, your wife should encourage this young mom to find ways to connect with other families.
Here are ways to create boundaries if she is calling at an inconvenient time: “Oh, we’re just sitting down to dinner. Is everything okay? Can we talk tomorrow?” Additionally, I suggest that you “dial in” for a few moments to make eye contact in a friendly, sincere, and open manner, and then go on your way. You might also alter this dynamic if you initiate a call. You can start by saying, “I just have a few minutes, but want to give you a quick hello.
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