Amy, there are times when I don’t want to come home because I know I will encounter a mess. I yearn for space and time alone. Am I being selfish and uncaring for being annoyed just by his presence?
He is a middle-aged man living with a sister who treats him exactly the way he wants to be treated – like a child. It sounds like such a good and comfortable situation for him that of course he doesn’t want to leave!It’s a marvel that you still consider your brother a “good guy,” because – according to you – he is completely disinterested in your discomfort. Instead, he seems to be drafting along on your superior caretaking abilities and your guilt regarding him.
I suggest that in order to save your relationship with your brother, it is time for you to ever-so-certainly, calmly and kindly show him the door. Consider this gentle shove a declaration that it’s time for him to start his next chapter, and that he is ready. Tell him, “It’s time for you to find your own place. I need to live on my own, and so do you.” Don’t get personal. Don’t relitigate his past behavior or allow him to bargain his way into staying.Advertisement
Be aware that because he has been paying to live in your home, he could be considered a tenant. If he refuses to leave, you may have to start the eviction process. Check with your state and local regulations regarding evictions, in case it comes to that. I hope it doesn’t.Dear Amy: I hope that we are finally emerging from the pandemic in a real way. After so much time living in a vastly altered reality, I find I’m struggling with how to get back out there.
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