Ask Amy: A fender-bender outside a party set off a cascade of resentment

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Ask Amy: A fender-bender outside a party set off a cascade of resentment
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I can’t believe he treated my dying husband that way.

And yes, it is obvious how disappointing your brother-in-law’s behavior has been, but addiction has a way of blunting a person’s humane responses. It’s as if the disease has to find a way to win, and so alcoholics will quite naturally reject confrontations, course corrections, or even expressions of concern.Your brother-in-law told you exactly what he would do, and then he followed through.

During a quiet moment, ask yourself if this would be possible, and consider the idea that it might ultimately help you to trade your bitterness for compassion. Additionally, you might ask your late-husband’s sister not to pass along messages of victimhood to you. This just triggers your own sadness and anger, when you might be focusing on healing.Our marriage has mostly been unhappy.

I’m in my late 40s, and since I’m now pensionable, I can retire, move anywhere in the country and have a whole other career.I want to supplement my pension by working in another field. Do you think it’s wise to start over in another state?

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