'I don’t have the energy or the inclination to baby this person'
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She hasn’t been here very long, but we’ve gotten into a cycle where I just try to avoid her, because any instruction I try to give her will make her really defensive , while she gets progressively more and more anxious about needing stuff to work on. Any advice? She hasn’t done anything fireable and actually has a good work ethic, but if she quit tomorrow I’d be overjoyed.
But she’s way off course on . And that means that this isn’t really about you just not liking her; it’s about her work habits and the way she interacts with you about work matters. That moves it out of the realm of personality conflict and puts it squarely in the realm of Things That Are Legitimate for a Manager to Care About.
That means that you should sit down with her and name the defensiveness itself as something that’s getting in the way of her effectiveness, and explain what you want her to do differently. For example, you could say: “I’ve noticed that when I give you feedback or directions for a project, you tend to get upset and frustrated. It makes it hard for me to give you the guidance that’s essential to your job here.
You could also ask, “Is there anything going on that’s making it hard for you to hear my input?” That’s worth asking because it might give her an opening to tell you that she’s miserable in the job, or that she’s getting conflicting instructions from someone above you, or who knows what else. But ask and see what you find.
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