AskABoss: “I have a really hard time telling people when they are being awful”
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For example, the last job I worked on, the supervisor directly above me either didn’t remember or didn’t care to know my name and instead called me “baby girl” the entire time.
It might sound like overkill to suggest therapy, but what you’re describing speaks to fundamental ideas about your value and about what you are and aren’t allowed to bring to your interactions with other people. It really might be worth digging into some of the underlying beliefs here with a therapist, who can help you figure out where you picked up these beliefs and how you can get rid of them.
Also, it’s worth thinking about the emotions you’re bringing to the situation. Sometimes when people are reluctant to address a problem, they let it go on for so long that their irritation builds and by the time they do speak up, they’ve become far more frustrated than the situation really warrants. That makes it feel like an even bigger deal in their minds, and they’re more likely to sound confrontational when they finally do say something.
If you know someone who gets this right — who calmly speaks up without coming across as a jerk — pay attention to how they do it and what kind of response they get. Plus, by paying attention to their tone, their wording, and their timing, you’ll be able to call on that model in the future when you need it.
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