Rachel Paula Abrahamson is an entertainment journalist-turned-lifestyle reporter living in Boston. She covers parenting, pop culture, and news for TODAY.com — and fancies herself an expert on all things twin-related! In 2024, Rachel received an NBC Gem Award (Going the Extra Mile) for her contributions to NBC.
Ashley Tisdale thought she’d found her people. The actor, now a mother of two, joined a small circle of moms that promised group chats playdates and the kind of solidarity that makes early parenthood feel less lonely.
Instead, she wrote, it slowly began to feel like something else: cliquey, uncomfortable and strangely familiar. In a widely-shared personal essay for The Cut, titled “Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group,” Tisdale, 40, who goes by her married name of Ashley French on her blog, recounts feeling increasingly excluded, left out of gatherings, sidelined in conversations and unsettled by social dynamics she believed she had long since outgrown. Eventually, she writes, she decided to step away from the group all together. Experiences like Tisdale’s are not uncommon, according to Christie Ferrari, a clinical psychologist based in Miami, Florida, who studies social aggression among adult women and has encountered it firsthand in her own parenting circles. According to Ferrari, a classic mean girl mom is warm and friendly in private, but becomes aloof and distant around groups she perceives as more influential, popular or valuable. “Relational aggression is what it’s called,” Ferrari told TODAY.com. “Unlike the overt bullying seen in younger children, it’s more subtle. This happens because, as women, we’re socialized to avoid direct conflict, which is why we often see indirect behaviors like gossip disguised as concern.” Ferrari outlined on Instagram four key tactics used by mean girl moms to make others feel left out. They include: Invitations as power: you’re included in the big events, but left out of the real connection.Group chat silence: your messages get ignored, while everyone else gets replies.Tight circles at events: no eye contact, no pause, no space to join in.Backhanded reminders: they mention plans, playdates and inside jokes. “This is also called an acquaintance. We don’t have to like everyone,” one person wrote in the comments on Ferrari’s Instagram post. Not exactly, says Ferrari. “The key difference between an acquaintance and a mean girl mom is that a mean girl’s behavior changes depending on the social circle she’s with,” Ferrari explains. “An acquaintance is consistent, while a mean girl is hot and cold.” While you can’t control how mean girl moms behave, you can control how you respond. For instance, if you’re at the bus stop and the three moms you’re speaking with begin discussing their upcoming girls’ weekend or a 40th birthday party you weren't invited to, you can choose to disengage. “You don’t want to appear visibly upset, but you also shouldn’t force a smile or fake interest — that’s known as fawning, and it can come across as though you’re seeking their approval,” Ferrari explains. “Ultimately, the goal is to remain neutral — almost poker-faced.” Ferrari also recommends gently calling them out with one of her two go-to responses: In a genuine tone, say, “I must have missed that invite.” Then pause and see how they react. “It makes the dynamic visible without confrontation and forces them to respond and places the discomfort back on them, instead of on you,” Ferrari says. Alternatively, you can simply say, “I’ll let you all catch up, bye.” By doing this, Ferrari says, “You’re able to remove yourself from a space that’s being used to make you feel small and you’re not giving them the reaction they were hoping for.” If you’re being iced out in a group chat — like when your playdate invite is met with crickets — Ferrari advises against chasing responses as it can come across as desperate. “Social silencing is when you dismiss someone in a social setting to undermine their presence,” Ferrari says. To avoid this, she suggests reaching out to people individually about plans because it “reduces that group hierarchy pressure.” You're not wrong to think it feels like middle school all over again. Ferrari says that from a young age, many girls are taught that exclusion and gossip are ways to protect themselves and bond with others, and they carry that into adulthood. “Many women become mean girl moms because they’ve never unlearned the social dynamics they grew up with, and they operate from a scarcity mindset, believing that popularity is a limited resource they must protect,” Ferrari says. “It’s a learned behavior.”
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Ashley Tisdale Quits 'Toxic Mom' Friend Group, Including Hilary Duff, Mandy MooreAshley Tisdale is spilling it all -- admitting she bailed on a toxic mom friend group she slipped into after becoming a mom... a clique that included some seriously big celeb names like Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore and Meghan Trainor!
Read more »
Ashley Tisdale Exposes Toxic Celebrity Mom GroupCelebrities like Meghan Trainor, Hilary Duff, and Mandy Moore were famously part of the same “mom squad” as Ashley.
Read more »
Ashley Tisdale's Article Not About Celeb Group, Denies Being RepublicanAshley Tisdale’s spicy 'toxic mom group' exposé sent the internet into full spiral mode -- but TMZ has learned the wild theory that it involved certain celebs or had anything to do with politics is totally off-base... especially since Ashley isn’t even a Republican.
Read more »
Ashley Tisdale Reveals the Reason Why She Left Her 'Toxic' Mom GroupIn a personal essay for The Cut, actress Ashley Tisdale recalled the reasons why she left a 'toxic' mom group that left her feeling not enough
Read more »
Ashley Tisdale was missing from 'toxic' celeb mom group's bougie fall getawayAshley Tisdale is opening up about a painful chapter of motherhood, revealing why she walked away from what she calls a “toxic” celebrity mom group. In a candid essay, the actress describes feeling excluded, isolated, and caught in dynamics that felt more like high school than a supportive friendship.
Read more »
Ashley TisdaleAshley Michelle Tisdale (born July 2, 1985) is an American actress, singer, and producer. During her childhood, she appeared in more than 100 TV advertisements and had roles in theatre and television shows.
Read more »