Area Man Can Only Learn New Things If Encouraged By Promise Of Earning Cartoon Gems

Wonder Showzen News

Area Man Can Only Learn New Things If Encouraged By Promise Of Earning Cartoon Gems
Rob ShipleyAdolph HitlerShipley
  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 18 sec. here
  • 6 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 24%
  • Publisher: 51%

BOISE, ID—Saying he was unable to grasp a single piece of information otherwise, area man Rob Shipley told reporters Tuesday he could only learn new things if he was encouraged by the promise of receiving cartoon gems for his efforts.

“As much as I try, I can’t seem to acquire any new knowledge unless an animated treasure chest opens to present me with a sparkly ruby, sapphire, or emerald for my correct answer,” said Shipley , explaining that for whatever reason, a system of rewards consisting of retro-looking 8-bit coins or vials of magical potions was required for him to begin acquainting himself with a new language, mathematical concept, or historical fact.

“If I don’t think that I can use these imaginary jewels to buy power-ups through the in-game store of an educational app, then whatever I hear is in one ear, out the other. And if I get something wrong, I won’t really understand why unless a funny character with a square head looks sad and my treasure vanishes in a puff of cartoon smoke.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

TheOnion /  🏆 724. in US

Rob Shipley Adolph Hitler Shipley The Onion

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

San Antonio-area waterpark Schlitterbahn unveils kids' area with water coasterSan Antonio-area waterpark Schlitterbahn unveils kids' area with water coasterSchlitterbahn will debut a new attraction this Saturday that officials with the New Braunfels water park are calling the world’s first water coaster for kids. The Bow Wow Blaster coaster is part of a new children's area called Schatze’s Storybrook Park.
Read more »

Giant tumor growing for decades removed from neck area of Scottsdale manGiant tumor growing for decades removed from neck area of Scottsdale manA man from Scottsdale caught a lucky break to have a watermelon-sized tumor removed from his neck after the sore grew for nearly two decades. FOX 10's Lindsey Ragas has the story.
Read more »

Detroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionDetroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionA suburban Detroit businessman has been charged with involuntary manslaughter in connection with an explosion at a building he owned in which a nitrous oxide cannister propelled through the air, killing another man
Read more »

Detroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionDetroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionMOUNT CLEMENS, Mich. (AP) — A suburban Detroit businessman was charged with involuntary manslaughter Thursday in connection with an explosion at a
Read more »

Detroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionDetroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionA suburban Detroit businessman has been charged with involuntary manslaughter in connection with an explosion at a building he owned in which a nitrous oxide cannister propelled through the air, killing another man.
Read more »

Detroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionDetroit-area man charged with manslaughter in fatal building explosionA suburban Detroit businessman has been charged with involuntary manslaughter in connection with an explosion at a building he owned in which a nitrous oxide cannister propelled through the air, killing another man
Read more »



Render Time: 2025-02-12 04:51:34